Christmas Hell

What the fuck am I gonna do on Christmas day?

I cant eat or drink as I have no digestive system so how am I going to eat Christmas dinner?

Lord God can death just come before Christmas day?

Please God!

Another Day Of Dying

Another day of dying. I really cannot stand this anymore.

I miss drinking and I can’t eat. The fact that I have lost my kidneys and probably my liver too is just terrifying.

I never envisiged this could happen. I should have researched post operative infections before I made my decision and gave my answer to the surgeon in Queens.

Now I am being left to die slowly and horribly of Sepsis and there is nothing I or anyone else can do about it.

My only hope is that when I die it’s quick and painless.

Lord let it be soon.

Not Drinking Is Scary

The most scary thing about dying of kidney failure is not feeling thirsty.

I do not crave fluid anymore so I will eventually die of dehydration.

Either that or from drowning in my own bodily fluids. The clock is ticking away on my life and it’s terrifying.

There is no reversing what has happpened. I am dying a slow terrible death.

Lord let my death be soon.

I Should’ve Taken The Pain

When the surgeon was talking through with me the risks of having an operation on my ankle he said to me “You may think.”well I have a high pain threshold”.”

I should’ve rejected the op and taken the pain. It would have been hard and I probably would have had to hobble about on one leg but it would have been a damn sight better than having a FUCKING INFECTION and getting Sepsis.

But I chose to have the operation, because I thought it would be beneficial to me.

But it’s resulted in me being poisoned and my kidneys being destroyed.

I could have taken the pain but instead I went and gave consent to have the op and now I am poisoned.

I am going to die all because of my utter stupidity.

Lord let my death come now. 

Please God Let My End Be Soon

As everyone gets ready for Christmas I am preparing for my death.

I cannot eat or drink as I do not urinate or deficate.

I have zero kidney function and my liver has gone too. There is no hope for me.

An operation has killed me and condemned me to die a slow terrible death.

I am clinically dead.

I am a walking, talking corpse. The end for me must be soon.

I cannot take this anymore. Please let my end be soon.

Please God!