I Have Been Murdered

I have been murdered. By my family, by Whipps Cross hospital and by doctors.

They have murdered me by leaving me to die of sepsis. 

I am not urinating or passing stool. I have not done so since June.

And nobody believes me, not even my own family.

They think I am delusional and they have even kicked and hit me in response to my cries of help.

I am being murdered by own family. They are leaving me to die of sepsis.

Fuck them all.

A Message To My Family

I begged you for help when I needed it the most. I had not passed urine or opened my bowels for seven months and each time I told you this you branded me a liar and had me put in the hell hole that is Goodmayes Hospital.

The infection that I had on my left ankle after surgery spread to my kidneys and my liver stopping me urinating and defecating.

I lost my appetite and my thirst and I lost the ability to sleep. I begged you to call for help but you told me to go away and you even hit and kicked me.

My kidneys and my liver had failed and I  could not eat or take in fluids. Doctors in Accident and Emergency decided that I was suffering from anxiety and sent me home with a severe infection and YOU were happy with this.

You were happy with me to be sent home from hospital with severe sepsis and with multiple organ failure threatening my life.

You fucking abandoned me when I was DYING. I will never forgive you for what you have done to me and when I die I will fucking haunt you.

I will also haunt that stupid doctor who told me I should “press on and drink more water” when I clearly was unable to and suffering from a massive fluid imbalance.

You had me put in a MENTAL hospital when I needed to be in a normal hospital getting specialist treatment for sepsis like IV antibiotics and IV fluids.

Queens sent me home with a severe infection and I hope you try and sue them although I doubt you will bother because you clearly do not give a shit. You didn’t give a shit when I begged you for help so I doubt you will give a shit now I am gone.


I hate that you left me to die of a severe infection that stopped me from urinating and passing stool.

Can you imagine how terrified I was knowing I was dying of severe sepsis from a massive bacterial infection? And being told that it was all in my head and I need to stop bugging you?

I am DEAD because of you! It’s all your fault and I will never forgive you in my death. Fuck you!

I am DEAD now and it’s all YOUR FAULT! I hope you are crying. You bloody well deserve to be.


New Year, Still Dying

It’s New Year and I’m still dying. I still have not passed a single drop of urine or passed feces.

I feel confused and achy. When I “sleep” at night I don’t feel like I have been asleep because of brain damage by either the infection or uremia.

My vital organs have shut down and it’s only a matter of time before I die.

Let it be soon please God.

I Don’t Feel Like I’ve Slept

When I go to bed at night I fall asleep but when I wake up it does not feel like I’ve been asleep.

This could be either brain damage from the infection or from toxins in my blood that would normally be removed by my kidneys.

But because my kidneys have failed those wastes cannot be removed so they are swirling around in my blood causing damage to my other organs.

It can only be a matter of time before these toxins cause fatal damage and I die.

Then I will be put out of my misery at long last.

Please God!

The Man Who Never Used The Loo

There was a man who never needed the loo.
It made him all confuzled he didnt know what to do.
He didnt pee he didnt poo.
Because he had a blood infection
Oh what a too do.
It went on for months
He was completly fucked
And in the end it has to be said
At the climax of this story he ended up dead

What I Thought Was Wrong With Me Wasen’t 

I thought my not urinating was caused by my back injury.

I thought what I was experiencing was a loss of bladder sensation caused by damaged nerves.

I didn’t realise that what was actually happening was my kidneys were shutting down due to severe infection caused by my wound on my ankle where I had surgery.

If I’d known this I would have sought help much sooner.

As it is I am doomed to die this slow agonising death by Septic Shock.

Each night I go to bed praying I won’t wake up.

Please let tonight be my last.